DANGER ZONE

The wedding is 9 days away.  I’m entering the period of time where if I accidentally cut my face or bruise my arm or burn myself on an iron again, it won’t be healed before the wedding.  Good luck to ME.

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Signature Cocktail: The Meltdown

I had my first full-fledged bridal meltdown last weekend!  Wheee!

While sipping on gin & juice, the unexpected drink of choice for this summer o’ wedding madness, I walked out of a party mid-conversation and cried my eyes out on FH’s shoulder.  I can trace it back to the wedding, and the stress of planning, since the time the wedding planning takes is time I would otherwise use for writing, but the meltdown began as “I hate my job” and unravelled into “I have no time to write and I’m so unhappy”, and very soon was just a puddle of frustration.

See, I work in freelance commercial production and the jobs last 2-3 weeks at a time.  During that time, I work 12-15 hour days, and in the time between it’s expected that you have NO boundaries.  If someone wants you to be stay at work until midnight, you do it.  You sell your entire life to the job when it’s happening.  I have no union, I get no overtime, no designated lunch breaks, and no real guarantee of future work.  Hollywood!

Normally, I could stagger my jobs and allow time in between to write and work on my own projects.  But this past year we’ve been saving money like crazy for The Big Day, and I’ve been stacking jobs back to back.  If I enjoyed my work, this wouldn’t be SO bad, because I like being very busy.  Unfortunately– hold on to your wine glass– I don’t enjoy my job.  I like the people I work with, and I like the film industry, but I mainly sit at a desk and do paperwork, which is what I was trying to avoid doing with my life.  The worst part is, I don’t want to go any further up the ladder in this field, and all of my peers are starting to do exactly that.  I probably could have moved up over a year ago, and now my competitive nature is getting the best of me.  I have reached an impasse, and the wedding has to be over for me to move forward…

To top the whole mess off, at this party, my BFF & MOH who had driven down from SF after having her heart suddenly and completely broken, was holding her shit together just fine.  Epic fail on my part. “Waaahhh I’m so busy planning my awesome wedding & I feel so lost!! Comfort me!!”  She didn’t see it that way, but… seriously?

Thankfully, the meltdown had nothing to do with the vows I’m about to swear for ever and ever.  I’m still really psyched about those.

Inappropriate Wedding Song Friday 6/30

This might be one of the most inappropriate songs regardless, the kind you dove to turn off in the car whilst driving with parents circa 1994.

Thing is, even though this would be a disaster at most weddings, I HEARD IT AT A WEDDING and it was unforgettable in every way…

The hour was wee.  Most guests had turned in, and the only people left were the bride & groom & a few close friends.  It was one of those frigid summer nights in the mountains of California, but I was nearing black-out drunk and I kept on dancing with my numb self.  “Closer” began out of nowhere, and I don’t remember how it happened, but someone started leading a slow-motion Electric Slide to the beat.  It was perfection, and everyone knew it.  Do I remember much else from that night besides puking in a sink?  No.  But I will never forget the Closer Electric Slide.

Still.. Not Safe For Weddings, in general.

Wedding Query of the Day: Weddings vs. Circuses

I read my usual wedding blogs over breakfast this morning, only to find yet ANOTHER circus-themed wedding post on 100 Layer Cake! Yes, this is an absurdly popular theme, not to mention carnival-themed weddings, steampunk weddings, and 20s flapper-themed weddings.  Maybe you’ve seen Hunger Games inspiration boards, and Star Wars/Tim Burton/D&D weddings on Off Beat Bride, but those are rare (and ultimately based on the couples’ serious fandom/personality/interests).  Let’s just focus on circus-themed weddings.

My query: why does anyone want their wedding to be circus-themed?  Unless your family is circus folk and the circus life is your heritage, I don’t get it.  (Although, if your family were circus folk, you wouldn’t have a circus-themed wedding. You’d have a circus wedding, in an actual circus tent.)

Some of these weddings aren’t even that over the (big…ughIhatemyself) top, but I bristle at them nonetheless:

1.  HAVE ANY OF THESE PEOPLE EVEN BEEN TO A CIRCUS?!?  I went to a circus once, and it was smelly and weird. The elephants looked depressed and the clowns were obviously sketchy.  The trapeze artists were cool, but you don’t see any trapeze artists at circus-themed weddings.  (Yet.)

2.  Who wants to attend a circus-themed wedding?  Who wants peanuts and cotton candy at a wedding?  “(Bride) & (Groom), omg I had so much fun at your circus-themed wedding!!  I will always remember eating cheap food and watching that guy breathe fire!  Oh, and the eternal promise you swore in front of everyone blah blah blah mainly I loved the carousel!!”  That would be my fear, personally.

I guess the other side of this argument is: let people do their wedding however they want, and they open the door to truly dazzling displays of creativity.  Or, why should a wedding be just a wedding?

To me, circus-themed weddings represent the worst of the wedding industry: let’s spend a crap-ton of money, turn a wedding into something else entirely, put it on the internet paired with the word “vintage”, and everyone will want it too.

classic wedding stress dreams

About 6 months ago, after the betrothed and I had made our guest list, found our venue, and set a date, the wedding stress dreams nestled in our bed with us and set up camp in our sleeping brains.  He says he has them every night. (alarming.)  I average 2 per week, that I can recall.

Last night it was like my psyche wasn’t even trying: I put on my wedding dress and it’s a short, pink, fluffy, ruffly mess.  But the show must go on.  Uh-oh!  We haven’t written our vows!! Now I have to spend the whole dream trying to find my soon-to-be husband to write our vows without him seeing me in my revolting dress.  CLASSIC.  After months of these silly nightmares, you’d think they’d get more interesting. (Am I really that worried about my dress?)  If I watch Game of Thrones before bed, I’d like some baby dragons or frozen zombies thrown in there.

Spice it up, sub-conscious.